Weed Farm

The presence of a cannabis farm is glaringly obvious

Most of the cannabis consumed in the United Kingdom is homegrown. It has to come from somewhere. A recent report by the Association of Chief Police Officers revealed that around 21 cannabis farms are discovered each day. Are you living next to one?

Windows sealed or covered

Covering may be accomplished by curtains, concealing activity. Windows may be sealed with polythene or other plastic. There could be condensation.

Bright lights by day and night

It would be odd if lights are on 24 hours a day. Lights might also be operated by a timer and come on at unusual times.

Lotsa heat – birds on the roof in the cold

Cannabis farms produce much heat, leading to telltale signs. Birds will be enticed by a warm roof and when it snows, the house with the cannabis farm will be the only one lacking a covering of snow.

Frequent and diverse visitors, often at strange times

OK, so the occupants might just be popular, but if new faces keep turning up at all hours, there may well be something sinister afoot.

Gardening equipment

Pounds in their thousands are necessitated by cannabis growing – for compost, fertiliser, industrial lighting, pots and the like. If you are forever seeing people taking this stuff into a property but the garden is downright arboreal or there is no garden at all, you have to wonder what is being done with it.

HUMONGOUS leccy bills

The growing of cannabis requires an abundance of electricity, which is often abstracted (ie stolen) because the EVIL CRIMINALS prefer to avoid paying for it. Has the bill suddenly rocketed? Cables can be employed to connect to lampposts and purloin electricity. The profusion of leccy, inept wiring and tampering with the system make cannabis farms a massive fire hazard, as many have discovered (1, 2, 3, 4, 5). With people taking risks and looking to save money, don’t expect there to be a smoke alarm. This leads to fires once a fortnight in the United Kingdom and oft results in extensive damage to surrounding properties.

According to the London Fire Brigade, this occurrence has doubled in the last two years, requiring the attendance of an average of four fire engines and 20 firefighters a shot. There may even be booby traps fashioned from barbed wire or other sharp objects, electrified door handles and false floors.

The noise

There could be the unceasing sound of cooling fans.

The smell

If cannabis is being cultivated, time and again will there be the smell of it.

The bins

Cannabis farms fill many a bin bag with vegetable matter.

The tenants

Tenants paying rent in cash may be up to no good. Maybe you start bumping into folk nicknamed Joey the Grass, Spliffy and Wazzar in your local or the tenants prefer to avoid contact altogether. Suspicion is further deserved if there appear to be no permanent occupants; people only visit for short periods.


If you’re a STINKING, DIRTY GRASS who should BURN IN HELL, you can call Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111 or the police on 101. Or, more forgivably, you might be a landlord, facing a spell in gaol under the 1971 Misuse of Drugs Act if you permit the production of controlled substances on the property you manage.

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